Post by Patch on Apr 27, 2010 11:27:06 GMT -7
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on
Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in
the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce
an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of
virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25%
this February from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase
in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent
shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organisation of Occupational Martyrs
(or B.O.O.M. ) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to
its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary
Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves
to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be
treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".
Speaking from the shed in the West Midlands in which he currently resides,
Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathize with
our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their
demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad,
in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a
chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between
reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages
but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able
to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales
and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect
their operations as "There are no virgins in their areas anyway".
Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down
to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that Muslims
know what a virgin looks like that they are not so keen on going to paradise.
Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in
the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce
an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of
virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25%
this February from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase
in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent
shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organisation of Occupational Martyrs
(or B.O.O.M. ) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to
its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary
Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves
to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be
treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".
Speaking from the shed in the West Midlands in which he currently resides,
Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathize with
our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their
demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad,
in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a
chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between
reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages
but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able
to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales
and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect
their operations as "There are no virgins in their areas anyway".
Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down
to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that Muslims
know what a virgin looks like that they are not so keen on going to paradise.