Post by Stetto, man... on May 21, 2010 3:45:33 GMT -7
· I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
· African television stations are now showing "Sponsor an American Child" commercials!
· Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.
· I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
· CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
· Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
· My ATM gave me an IOU!
· A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
· I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
· I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.
· Barack Obama changed his slogan to "Maybe We Can!"
· If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
· Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
· McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
· Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
· Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.
· A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
· Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
· A picture is now only worth 200 words.
· They renamed Wall Street " WalMart Street."
· When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
· The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
· Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
And, finally ...
· I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan; and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
· African television stations are now showing "Sponsor an American Child" commercials!
· Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.
· I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
· CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
· Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
· My ATM gave me an IOU!
· A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
· I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
· I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.
· Barack Obama changed his slogan to "Maybe We Can!"
· If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
· Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
· McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
· Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
· Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.
· A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
· Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
· A picture is now only worth 200 words.
· They renamed Wall Street " WalMart Street."
· When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
· The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
· Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
And, finally ...
· I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan; and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.